Roo and Nate's Wedding Blog

Holy crap, we're getting hitched. How did this even happen?

Archive for the category “Information”

The Engagement (POV #2)

Well, I’m not Roo. This is quickly apparently in real life, but the Internet is less revelatory, so I figured it best to be up front about this. No, I’m the Other Half, Nate by name.

Roo makes more time to write than I do, and it certainly shows in both output and quality. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t contribute now and again to this chronicle of our coming together, and so here we are today. It’s oddly appropriate that I should finally get an actual post up on this blog, and the topic is how things all began. So, here I am to provide a second point of view on the ‘official’ start of this whole marriage thing. There isn’t likely to be a third, unless some random seagull gets a WordPress account.

The first thing Roo isn’t telling you is how long I carried that ring around with me. I knew I was proposing to her a LONG time before the thing actually happened. I did some searching, both online and in person, for a ring that spoke to me and of her. Dissatisfied after months, I threw up my hands, declared ‘fuckit’, and sought out a jeweler to MAKE me what I had in my head.

Long story short, I did (and I highly recommend Shepherd Manufacturing Jewelers to anyone with similar inclinations). That was in mid November.

I trust you to do the math, but for those who would rather go shopping, that means I carried that ring around for almost three and a half months, looking for a proper way to propose. November and December are freakishly busy months for Roo and I (as anyone who does Dickens Fair can relate to), and so those were basically out. I came very close to popping the question in early January when we went to Disneyland, but a niggling doubt told me it was cliche… and also we were engaged in discussions about the crass commercialization of Disney at the time, and it seemed an ill-fated link to forge.

So by mid-January I was fed up. I decided that providence would not be kind, and to bloody well make it happen however I needed to. So as Roo described, I began a campaign to get she and I on a beach together. It only took a month and a half, which is about half of our usual planning horizon. I consider that a win.

February 27th came around, and by some miracle it was bright and sunny and a freeish day for us. After sushi (and yes, I did uncharacteristically panic for an instant or two), we were driving, aimlessly debating what beach to go to. I was originally thinking Pacifica. But as we passed a sign noting the turnoff for Highway 92 West, Roo remarked that she’d never been to Half Moon Bay. I took this as an indicator from Somewhere, made the turnoff, and declared on the spot that we were having an Adventure, to which Roo bemusedly agreed. Little did our heroine know.

In discussions once we got to HMB, I cheerfully steered us toward the beach, which was instantly rewarding in all kinds of ways; bright sun, beautiful ocean, hilarious warning signs, mysterious structures, and yes, a stick stuck in the sand to mark the bathrooms. Check Roo’s post for the details. I’ll fill in where her mind disintegrated under an onslaught of bliss and has robbed her of precious memory.

I did indeed ask what the stick marked as a lead-in (I’ll note my heart was in my throat, so it probably came out silly-sounding) and received the aforementioned glib rejoinder. At that point, I did start talking further, and I DO remember what I said, because I agonized over it for one of those quantum-length moments in time. You know, the ones where everything distends and you have an instant eternity to mull over how you’re not actually good at talking despite what everyone says, and what an ass you’re about to make of yourself? Yeah, I thought you knew what I was talking about.

Point being, eventually I got around to talking. And I may paraphrase slightly, but in the end what I said was something like this:

“Who knows, maybe the world conspires to mark important moments in life. It’s funny, I remember once you said something about fate, and how you didn’t believe in it, but in the same discussion you mentioned the idea of soulmates; people who are just going to fit together from the beginning. Which is totally us. And… you know, maybe that is fate, or maybe we just got absurdly lucky, finding each other. But either way, I want to keep you. For the rest of our lives, if you’ll do me the honor.”

I took a knee right around ‘either way’. And I feel I need to detail that moment a little.

You see, Roo is an extremely intelligent woman, and I love it about her. Erudite and generally collected, she’s aware of her surroundings and always processing. And in that moment, her brain just exploded. I literally watched fuses blow.

She put both hands to her mouth and started saying ‘Oh my god,’ and that was about all she said for fifteen or twenty repetitions. Then she started mixing in ‘Yes,’ with the ‘Oh my god’s. I got the ring onto her finger between the happy tears and the gibbering, and she came to her senses and was actually able to manage something other than those four words after maybe three or four minutes.

I’ve seen my fiancee lose her composure in anger or frustration a few times. But that’s the only time I’ve ever seen her lose it from happiness.

Dissemination and Fielding Questions

Since Nate and I set a date, I’ve been trying to disseminate the information of the date to our friends and family. In the modern age, this is absurdly easy (and shows me that save the date cards are just a waste of paper).  I’ve also told my boss, who is excited and immediately told me to give her an invitation so she can see it, but will decline and send a nice gift since, as she puts it, having your boss at your wedding will always make it weird. (This is probably untrue in this particular case, but I appreciate the sentiment.)

I’ve also told my mom who is disseminating it to the rest of my family.  My family is not large, so fully half of the “family” is comprised of people I’m not related to, but were there for most of my childhood. So far, everyone has been supportive, friendly, and is busy marking their calendars.

However, when Nate and I first announced our engagement (back in March) we were immediately bombarded with questions about our wedding. I hadn’t given it a great deal  of thought aside from a few details (no white dress, for example), but suddenly a number of friends and acquaintances had strong opinions. Some common questions were:

Will it be a themed wedding? (Nate and I both work Dickens and Renaissance Fair(e)s, and themed weddings are common among those groups.) Will I have to wear a costume? Are you going to make your own dress? Are you going to try to lose weight before the wedding? Will there be dancing? Will you get married in a church? Where will it be? How big? Who is officiating? Who will be in your wedding party? What are your colors?

Ultimately, with the exception of the weight question, these are all reasonable and worth thinking about, but it alarms me how quickly something that I thought of as being rather private is fodder for conversation among people I don’t know well.

At the top of the blog there is a FAQ page which we’ve started and it addresses the major questions, as well as a few with tongue-in-cheek answers.  Nate and I are probably incapable of doing anything without our tongues firmly planted in our cheeks (hurr… ahem), so any answer in which we tell you to sod off should probably be treated as humorous. You may have no sense of humor at all, in which case you should probably stop reading this blog right now.  Like, seriously. This will not go well for you.

In an effort to field those questions, I’ve made a tag for FAQ, and if I feel the questions are particularly important or the answers are useful, I’ll add them to the FAQ page.  In the meantime, answers to questions:

Will it be a themed wedding? 

Not as such, but the image we like and want to convey is a 1950s cocktail party.  Ladies in cocktail dresses, gentlemen in suits.  There will be no sit-down dinner, but instead we will have an hors d’oeuvres and cocktail reception so we can get directly to the dancing as soon as possible.

Will I have to wear a costume?

Not at all.  It’s a cocktail event, so cocktail attire is suggested. (That’s cocktail dresses for ladies, suits for gents… or the other way around if that’s your bag. We don’t judge.)  It’s also outdoors and there’s a rather extensive lawn in the courtyard, so spike heels may not be your best choice.  That being said, we would love it if you joined us in our 50s inspired image.  Ladies, think fitted bodices with poofy skirts. Gentlemen, think fedoras. If you look in the mirror on your way out the door and think that you’d fit into a mid-century Chicago gangster flick, then you will have succeeded admirably.

Are you going to make your own dress?

I wasn’t originally, but the pattern that I’ve found and like for my dress is so absurdly simple that I will be.  I am, however, making three test-runs of the dress in various fun fabrics. You know, for science.

Are you going to try to lose weight before the wedding?

No.  I’m comfortable with the way I look and how I move.  I don’t see any reason to make myself any crazier by trying to diet before the wedding.  If I happen to lose weight between now and then because I’m exercising more, great. Otherwise, this isn’t a priority. Also, why on earth would you ask me that?

Will there be dancing?

Hell, yes.  Prepare for a lot of swing and waltz music, and for god’s sake, in addition to your Awesome(tm) shoes, wear comfortable ones for dancing.

Will you get married in a church?

Only if we want to risk lightning strikes.  Nate’s sort of spiritual on a good day, and I’m an atheistic-nihilist with secular-humanist tendencies.  God’s an okay dude, but we’re not religious and our wedding is a secular union between people , not a religious one between people and God.

Where will it be?

Novato, CA at the Inn Marin.

How big?

We’re looking at a more intimate affair with close friends and family. We understand that means that we will not be able to invite everyone that we would like to, but for space and budget concerns, we’re trying to keep things manageable.

Who is officiating?

The Fabulous Leslie Light.

Who will be in your wedding party?

Already ahead of you.

What are your colors?

I never realized how much people desperately want to know the answer to this and in fact, how crazy-invested they are in the answer.  So, Nate and I are looking at peacock colors. My dress is peacock blue. My bridal party is basically every other color under the sun and none of them match (but we’re all wearing the same dress, which we’re making, because we’re crazy). We’re incorporating more gold and peacock feathers into something approximating a decorating scheme, but hell. Give us some time. We’re getting into our busiest season!

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