Somehow, it got to be May.
I have finished Mass Effect, all three games, and have started branching out into other video games in my (somewhat less than copious) spare time. Nate and I are both working a great deal, spending time with friends, and oh, yes, planning a wedding.
There are times when I just want the wedding to be over. I am being asked to render opinions about things for which I honestly have no opinions. “What kind of vases do you want the flowers in?” or “What color should the runner be?”
Some parts have been fun. I’ve bought beautiful shoes that make me giddy every time I see them – a sort of girly response to this that I didn’t expect. I’ve been working on mock-ups of my wedding dress that improve with every iteration, and in the last iteration, I feel that it’s nearly perfect.
We sent out invitations in a single afternoon push, but still have about a dozen for which we need to fix labels or get addresses. RSVPs are starting to come in and it thrills me that people want to come to our wedding. Our wedding.
One of the things that needed doing was to get the wedding bands made. Because my ring is custom made and unusually shaped, the jeweler had to take my engagement ring to build the wedding band off it.
When I first started wearing the ring, it was heavy. It felt strange on my hand to have this weight always present. I found myself constantly looking at it, admiring it, contemplating what it meant.
Eventually, as these things happen, the ring stopped being such a weight. The idea of marriage became a comfortable one, and as we get ever closer to the date, I found myself not forgetting that it was there, exactly, but the ring simply became a part of my hand. I know it’s there, what it means. No longer simply comfortable, it has become comforting.
Nate travels a great deal in the course of his work, and it’s not uncommon for him to be gone for a week or more at a time. Those trips are usually bookended by long days at the office, such that I don’t see him for more than a few minutes when I get up in the morning or when he comes to bed at night.
When we handed the ring off to the jeweler, Nate started in on a very long week at work immediately followed by a week in Rome. Two weeks without the ring, without my fiance, and over my birthday has been challenging. I have a placeholder ring, a titanium band that I usually wear on the other hand, but it’s not the same. Every time I think of Nate, my fingers go to my ring – and it’s not the ring I expect or want.
Nate returns from his trip tomorrow and hopefully soon after, so will the ring from the jeweler.